In love with your Murderer
by TheDiariesOfVampires
Summary: Lets say Carlisle did not refuse to abort Renesmee when Edward had asked him... Can Bella and Edward's love survive the betrayal? A re-write of Breaking dawn... when Bella doesn't have a choice!
1. Silent Screams in a Lonely Place

**Hey you guys, this is my first Twilight Fic and I decided to play around with the idea of what would have hapened if Carlisle hadn't refused to abort Bella and Edward's baby. In the book the only thing really stopping him is Esmee's objections but I think the more logical thing for him to have done would have been to do it. I think he would have felt as though he was not only saving Bella's life but Edwards's too (because of Edward's reaction to her'death' in New Moon). So here is an alternative version of events...**  
><strong>(Oh and don't mistake this fic for what I wished had happened! I like the book just the way it is! :D)<strong>

All I could do was scream. There was nothing else to be done. It didn't matter how much I kicked or punched or tried to toss and turn to somehow attempt to escape their grasp it was useless. Because they were three vampires and I was one human, and not even a strong human at that. But their strength did not stop my efforts, I was determined, deranged even. All I knew was that if they managed to lie me down on the bed they may as well kill me. If they managed to hold me down and inject me with a syringe, if I was to go under anaesthetic, I did not want to wake up, period. I could tell they were conflicted, I could see how hesitantly they were handling me. If they really wanted to it would only take one of them to pick me up and place me on the bed in less than a second. I was helpless against their strength and everybody in that house knew it. It was as if they were trying to put off what they were planning as long as possible and somehow make me go willingly, but I wouldn't, and they knew that. I dug my heels into the ground and screamed for them to let me go as we neared the bedroom they had set up for me, every inch we moved closer the more I screamed, the harder I fought and the weaker I felt. I couldn't believe this was happening, I couldn't believe they didn't feel the same way I did, I couldn't believe he didn't feel the same way I did. This was his baby too. This was his own flesh and blood, a part of him, a part of me. A miracle, growing inside me. The hardest part about deciding to become a vampire had been knowing I could never have a child, I would never have that experience, I would never be someone's mom. This was our second chance, the chance to be a family, like we never thought was possible. Couldn't he see that? Didn't he want that?

I couldn't even look at him as he gripped my arm and steered me towards the bedroom. I could however look at Carlisle as he held my hand and near enough dragged me forward, but I couldn't look at him. Out of everyone Carlisle was the one who believed what he was about to do was truly the right thing, despite my objections; he had no hesitation, no query, and no doubts. It pained him to have to do it against my will, I could see that, but his mind was made up, in his mind he was saving my life, he was saving Edward's life, no matter what the sacrifice. Alice on the other hand was in tears as she griped my shoulders from behind and walked me forward, she kept muttering how sorry she was and how it was for the best, how I'd understand later, but Alice could see the future and I knew that she must know how un-okay I'd really be. Tears streamed down my face as I realised the inevitability of the situation, there was no way out, this was it. I dug my heels into the floor harder and screamed louder than I thought it was possible, my vision was blurred but through the tears I could make out Jasper holding the door to the bedroom open, a solemn look upon his face. Somewhere behind me I could hear Esmee's gentle sobs and Rosaline's protests, out of everyone it was almost comical to think she was the only one who understood how I felt, the ice cold blonde, who I thought I'd never agree with on anything. If it wasn't for Emmet holding her back, I was sure we would have a fight on our hands.

As we passed the threshold into the bedroom and I saw the bed that was set up, I had an overwhelming feeling as though I was walking (or being dragged) to my death.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS" I screamed as I struggled, tossing and turning punching and kicking to no use, "THIS ISN'T RIGHT!"  
>"Bella, calm down sweetie, this is for the best trust me it's for the best" Alice soothed through her sobs as she stroked my hair.<br>"THIS ISN'T YOUR CHOICE!" I retorted, "THIS ISN'T RIGHT."

All of a sudden I felt a wave of calm come over me, and in that second I had somehow been picked up and placed on the bed in a fraction of a second. My brain wasn't working properly. Why wasn't I screaming? Why couldn't I scream? Why wasn't I fighting back? My eyes flitted about the room franticly as I tried to understand why my body had suddenly stopped functioning, then I locked eyes with Jasper as his gaze bordered into mine. He was changing my mood. He was calming me down, then I looked to my right and saw Carlisle pulling a syringe out of my arm, he had done it there was no stopping them now. I shut my eyes as tight as I could and tried to escape reality. This could not be happening. Not to me. Not by these people that I loved. Not my family. They could not seriously be about to abort my baby against my will. My whole body shook as I cried histerically, and through broken sobs begged them to stop.

I felt an ice cold hand upon my forehead and my eyes snapped open to see him, to see Edward looking down at me, his expression contorted with pain, I had never seen that expression on anybody's face before and I was sure, even if I lived another thousand years I would never see it again. He looked haunted, scared, as if he was in the most unimaginable agony. But as the blackness began to take hold, as I felt myself slipping away under the influence of the drugs it was not words of comfort I offered him, as my eyes clouded over and I stopped being able to feel my own body there was only five words that left my lips before I disappeared completely.

"I will never forgive you."

**Unsure as to whether or not to leave this as a one-shot or whether to continue... THOUGHTS? PLEASE REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW!**


	2. What makes it the Right thing?

**I was unsure as to whether or not to continue this fic… but after requests and the lovely comments I have decided to…. I have three other fics I'm working on at the same time so please understand if my updates are not super-fast… but if anyone gets impatient please message me and it will probably motivate me!**

**Alice's POV**

"Bella, calm down sweetie, this is for the best trust me it's for the best" I tried to say through my broken sobs as I desperately tried to compose myself. She looked so scared, so vulnerable. And for once I felt like the monster I am. I felt like a vampire. Like I had inflicted so much pain on to someone I loved so much. When she looked pleadingly into our eyes, it was not a look of safety and love, it was now one of confusion, fear and shock. She hadn't expected this, I know she hadn't. She didn't expect us to do _this_, I just wished she could see why we were doing it. We were doing it for her. Because this was how much we loved her, we couldn't watch her die, _he_ couldn't watch her die. Yet even as I spoke the words _"it's for the best" _and how ever true I knew that it was I couldn't seem to convince myself what I was doing was right. Yes, it may be for the best, but does that make it right? Was this really our choice?

I noticed that Edward, who was gripping her arm and trying to gently steer her forward had not taken his eyes off of her face, yet she had not once looked at him. I saw her eyes flicker occasionally to the side as if she was about to look at him then caught herself. They had had a big argument when they had gotten back from the airport, he had read Rosaline's mind in the airport when they got off of the plane and realised what Bella had intended to do and after discussing it thoroughly with Carlisle they had both decided, it couldn't happen, she would not survive having this baby. All the literature and research they found described the child as being monstrous creatures with no souls that ripped their way out of their mothers leaving them dead. No-one knew what we were dealing with here, the words 'monstrous', 'wild', 'vicious' and 'demons' seemed to always appear in connection with the child which had seem to finally tip the scales in Edward's and Carlisle's favour, yet I couldn't help but think that was exactly how someone would describe us if they did not know us.

Today was the third day after they had arrived back from their honey moon, Bella hadn't been home because there was a very noticeable yet small bump forming under her T-Shirt and Charlie still thought they were on their honey-moon and she refused to go and live alone with Edward in the cottage Esmee had built for them as a wedding gift. After their argument two days ago they had hardly spoken a word to each other with Bella refusing to remain in a room with Edward for longer than ten seconds. Yet however much she had stomped round the house and shut herself off from people and as aware as she was of Edwards and Carlisle's objections to her decision I knew she never thought any of us capable of this. I'm not sure I even thought us capable of this.

As soon as she arrived back from her honey moon her future had been blank to me, I couldn't see one at all, and that had scared Edward more than anything, he felt sure it was because she was going to die, and Edward's future was becoming harder and harder to see, this convinced Carlisle that Bella would die and then Edward would return to Italy asking for death. I couldn't be sure of that though and I hated that all their conclusions where based upon my power, which I wasn't even sure of at the moment.

When we eventually managed to get Bella on the bed and Jasper began calming her while Carlisle began the anaesthetic, I couldn't help the knot that was forming in my stomach. This didn't feel right. She looked so fragile and broken as she squeezed her eyes shut like she was trying to block out what was happening to her. The room was silent apart from my occasional sob, Bella's staggered breathing pattern as her body calmed and the anaesthetic came over her and Rosaline and Emmet arguing down stairs, yet Bella wouldn't have heard this, even Esmee was silent.

Edward approached Bella and lay a hand upon her forehead causing her eyes to snap open and their eyes to connect for the first time in days. They just stayed still staring at each other for a few moments and I could tell Edward was trying to make her understand, his face had been contorted in pain since she had first started crying and screaming. Yet Bella did not try to comfort him as we were all so used to watching her do. As her eyes began to close and the anaesthetic take over only five words escaped her mouth, "I will never forgive you." She breathed with the most conviction I had even heard her use, before her eyes drifted shut and her body slumped.

And In that moment I knew I didn't have to be psychic to hear the truth in those words.


	3. An Unlikley Understanding

**I'm going to start updating this fic every ****Thursday**** night (UK time)… starting this Thursday  
>Enjoy the next chapter… (Oh and by the way the majority of this fic will be from Bella's POV- just while she is unconscious we need someone else to tell the story)<strong>

**Oh and also… Can we pretend (just so I don't feel like a terrible person) that their baby isn't far along at all, I know it's supposed to be a rapid pregnancy and the baby is meant to have kicked already but can we pretend it's still early stages (The kind of normal stage a woman would have an abortion). So no kicking yet!**

* * *

><p><strong>Rosalie's POV<strong>

"Emmet, what are you doing? Get out of my way!"

"Rose, calm down, please, this isn't our business, this isn't up to us." Emmet said grabbing my shoulders and holding me in place at the foot of the stairs, I tried to struggle against him but he really was just too strong, yet my efforts did not cease.

"You're right! You are absolutely right!_ This_, Emmet, is not up to _us_; it's not up to any of us!" I retorted still trying unsuccessfully to twist and turn out of his grasp.

"Rose, she'll die if they don't—"

"And what about that baby? Huh? No one seems to care about that baby. Does he or she deserve to die because of Edwards _obsession_with that girl?"

"That's not fair Rose, we don't even know what _it_is!"

"Don't say _it_!" I screeched.

Emmets head suddenly snapped up as if he was looking through the ceiling and I realised how quiet it had become, Bella had stopped screaming. It was happening then, they were actually going to do it. Until the past few days I hadn't really had much respect for Bella, it's not that I disliked her I just found her willingness to abandon a life I would literally kill for irritating. She was the girl who had everything in my eyes and she was willing to throw it all away without a second thought on a vampire. Why would anyone choose this life? Yet in the past few days her determination and conviction when it came to keeping her baby instead of following Edward's lead blindly like she normally does had created a kind of respect with in me. I still wouldn't say I liked her but at this precise moment I don't think I had ever understood someone more in my life.

"I will never forgive you." I heard her say before her breathing slackened into a more regular rhythm.  
>The silence after she had breathed those words was deafening as both myself and Emmet stared through the ceiling as if we could see the scene we were listening so intently to. As Emmet concentrated his hold on my arms slackened and within a second I was up the stairs and standing in the doorway staring at Edward on his knees next to Bella's stilled frame with his head in his hands. Carlisle was patting his shoulder as Jasper stood across the room staring intently at Alice's whose whole frame was shaking with gentle sobs and Esmee was sitting at the foot of the bed biting her lip her eyes flicking between Edward and Bella.<p>

"You need to stop this!" I said as calmly as I could, breaking the silence , I didn't know exactly who I was talking to but I knew I just had to get one of them to listen. I couldn't let them do this.

No one spoke. No one even turned to look at me.

"Esmee" I pleaded deciding she was my best bet at making a crack in this plans foundation, "How can you be letting this happen? After what happened to your son?" I knew it was a low blow, but after killing herself because her new born baby died I really couldn't see how she'd agreed to this.

Esmee's eyes widened at my words and tears began to fall down her cheeks, Carlisle's head snapped up a look of concern mingled with anger etching his features.

"It's because I love her Rose" Esmee whispered after a heavy silence, her fist balling the bed sheet from where she was sat, "I can't lose any more of my children not Edward and not Bella."

"Well you are going to lose Bella" I whispered in reply, ignoring the pain that contorted her face, I knew she was upset but I needed to stop this, "You all are! And what about how Bella will react, when she wakes up and realises what you've all done to her; her family? People she trusted. How will you feel if she goes and throws herself off a cliff?"

"That's enough!" Carlisle interjected, "This isn't your choice Rosalie!"

"AND WHO MADE IT YOURS?" I screamed not being able to stand it any longer. At my outburst Alice's sobs became louder and I saw from the corner of my eye her fall to her knees with her head in her hands, in a flash Jasper was by her side smoothing out her hair.

Carlisle's gaze lingered on Alice and Jasper for a second before he looked towards Edward who had remained motionless since I entered, "I believe what I'm doing is right Rose, but the choice is Edward's!"

I let out a humourless laugh that made me sound almost deranged, "The choice is Edward's." I repeated, "I wonder if Bella sees it like that?"

"I know it shouldn't be my choice Rose. But I can't let her die." Edward said simply not moving.

"Maybe we should think about this" Esmee softly whispered, "I'm not sure… I mean… what if… Maybe we should think about it some more."

"No" Edward answered immediately, lifting his head to gaze at Bella's stilled form, "I've done nothing else but think about it, I'll take the consequences, whatever they might be."

"Oh well how very noble of you Edward," I said trying my best to control my anger, "And what about Bella? Hmm? What about the consequences for her? Or have you even thought about her once?"

In a second he was in my face a look of complete anger on his.

"Have I thought about her? Have I thought about her?" He spat our faces inches apart. "SHE'S ALL I THINK ABOUT!" he screamed.

Immediately Emmet, who I guess had been standing behind me this whole time put his arm around my waist and pulled me back.

"YOU'RE BEING SELFISH… YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER SO YOU DO THIS TO HER? SHE'D RATHER DIE AND YOU KNOW IT!" I screamed thrashing against Emmet's hold.

Edwards eyes seemed to show a flicker of emotion for a split second, was it guilt? "Don't pretend you care about her." He said barley audibly.

Suddenly a wave of calm came over me and I stopped fighting against Emmet. I snapped my head around to Jasper and snarled at him as best I could manage given my calmed state. "Don't you dare!" I spat.

Alice suddenly stood up and began brushing down her clothes while she held back sobs. She seemed determined for some reason as she wiped her eyes. "Maybe Rose is right—" she began to say before Carlisle cut her off, "A decision has been made." He said in an authoritive voice, stepping forward and placing a hand on Edwards shoulder, "She will die, of that I'm certain, and it will be a slow and painful death. Bella will waste away to nothing, the life being sucked out of her. After all the research we have conducted we have a clear enough picture of the process of death. This is the best thing, for Bella, for Edward, for all of us. Rose you would give anything to be human and be able to conceive a child. Bella is a young girl who has her whole life before her, she has options none of us do. We can't let her die because of something we've brought into her life. We don't know what it is she is carrying but it's not yet well enough formed to suffer any pain from the abortion. Bella is still human Rose, this doesn't have to be her only chance at birthing a child." His gaze flickered to Edward who was staring at the floor, "Myself and Edward have discussed this thoroughly, Edward wants her to be happy Rose and if having children with a human is what she wants then he has made his peace with that."

"Oh I don't think you need to worry about that" I said my eyes locking on Edward who was still staring at the floor, "I doubt she'll ever want to see him again when she wakes up! She probably won't be able to get away fast enough!"

"Okay Rose time to go" Carlisle said as Emmet's grip on me tightened, "All of you it's time for me to start!"

"But…" Alice began, she looked so conflicted and small from where she stood with Jasper. Jasper lightly took her arm and guided her past me out of the room where I heard her burst into tears hysterically.

"Carlisle…" Esmee's soft whisper came from the bed, she like Alice looked conflicted, she was shaking her head slightly as tears began to roll down her face once again.

"Shhh," Carlisle soothed sitting next to her as he caught a tear with his thumb, "Please Esmee, you know this is for the best, the chances of either of them surviving iare low and for Bella are non-existent. Please Esmee; don't fight me on this I couldn't stand it. You must know this is the best thing!"

Esmee sniffled, squeezing her eyes shut and nodded softly; she looked like she was trying more to convince herself than him. She quickly got up and blurred out of the room, probably afraid if she stayed she'd change her mind.

Carlisle stood up and walked over to me placing a hand on my cheek, "It's because we love her Rose." he breathed.

I couldn't stop the tear from escaping my eye and rolling down my cheek as I stared into his eyes, he looked so pained to have to do what he was about to but I knew there wasn't a doubt in his mind that this was the right thing. He gave me a small smile before returning to the bed and placing a hand on Bella's forehead.

Edward still stood before me his eyes on the ground. " What you're doing Edward" I said slowly and calmly "Is just as bad as what Royce did to me."

With that his head snapped up and he stared directly into my eyes, pain contorting all of his features into a mask of grief. "You just can't see it yet." I breathed.

I heard a small intake of breath from Emmet and Carlisle's head snapped up. "Leave Rose" he said, and with that I was dragged backwards and out of the room, my eyes not leaving Edwards until the door slammed shut between us.

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